Thursday, February 24, 2011

Mouse Chronicles: Day 2


It didn't take long for the next incident in the Mousecapades, not long at all. I awoke to a banging at the door. Not a knock, a bang. Someone very close to putting the structural integrity of my door in grave danger. I rolled out of bed in nothing but my boxers and my retainer (how's that for a visual ladies...) and still a little groggy, opened the door. Was that the SWAT team that stood before me? Bulletproof vests, futuristic weaponry around their waist, gas masks and a first aid bag for if things got out of hand, the boys were ready to go to war. I came to find out, however, this wasn't the SWAT team I had just let into my room, it was... "The Exterminators." "We hear you've got mice," they said as they entered the room. They hear we've got mice?! That, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of the press. They hear we've got mice, HA! Obviously the exterminators are following what we're doing here at the Scenes and read all about Mousce Chronicles Day 1. Knowing Mucc and I were in over our heads they graciously offered their services to their two favorite bloggers. (I'm imagining this is what happened. I mean I know they never directly said this, but it's the only reasonable explaination, right?)
If there were ever two people who don't fuck around with mice, it's these guys. None of the sticky trap bullshit like I was talking about before, only pure, unadultered, killing machines. Captain Exterminator himself called them his "Mouse Manglers." I mean the name itself is probably scary enough to kill these rat bastards (See what I did there? "Rat" bastards... No? Okay). Captain X, as his nametag read, then brought out the single biggest container of peanut butter I have ever seen. Like, words can not even begin to describe how many PB&Js my mom could've made with this thing. So, he lathered up the traps, layed them out and was quietly on his way. Captain X doesn't fuck around with mice and they better damn well know not to fuck with him.
So now we've got 7 traps. 4 sticky, 3 Mouse Manglers. The mouse had his moment of glory, but he's messing with the wrong guys. We've made our move Mickey Mouse, now it's your turn. This. Is. War.

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